Giving myself a pat on the back today, because I was (mildly) productive! I finally made some calls, scheduled some appointments, and made some plans. I’ve had these ‘To Do’ items in my calendar for weeks and just kept pushing them back. But today I completed them! Yay me!
Not sure what was different about today. Don’t know what the magical recipe was that finally made these things happen. Even if I figured it out, there’s no guarantee it would work the same the next time. That’s the sucky thing about depression. There’s no constant fix.
Maybe it was the fact that I had mentally been psyching myself up to do these tasks for so long. Maybe it was the guilt of failing day after day. Maybe it was the fact that I have someone in the house with me today and I was feeding off other energy. Whatever it is, I’m grateful. Because getting those things done lifts an invisible weight off my shoulders and makes me feel better about myself. Even if for only a few hours.
I should probably explain that I’m also an introvert with social anxiety. So something as simple as making a phone call, and interacting with unfamiliar people, can be an extremely daunting task. A mere minute can feel like a lifetime! Believe me, I know how crazy that sounds. It just a phone call. Big deal, right? But in my world it’s huge. Because it’s scary, and unknown/unplanned. I’m awkward in the moment. I prefer to have things planned out- right down to what I may need to say.
One of the conversations did go off-course. I froze and started to panic, struggling to think of what to say. I’d had everything planned out, and now I suddenly had to plan on the fly- without a nearby calendar. I finally managed to get out “I’ll have to call back”. The lady on the phone was very nice and patient. That helped.
Now the best I can hope for is that my good mood remains and doesn’t tank before the day is out. Not very likely when wading through depression. But for now, I’m gonna ride this wave! =)
What have you accomplished recently that made you feel good?? (Big, small, or minuscule; because every accomplishment in the face of depression is something to celebrate!)