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Sidelined

I was doing better for a while. I think. I was exercising routinely and eating healthier. Focusing on being more positive. Reaching some goals I had set for myself…

Until I broke my foot.

Now I can’t drive, I struggle to move around and accomplish simple tasks. Everything is harder now… cooking, bathing, getting dressed, carrying things, and even crossing the room. I’m trapped in my own house, forced to rely on others (difficult for my independent self). I feel like my identity has been stripped away. I’m the stay-at-home mom, and I can barely do the mom/housewife things. Ever try sweeping a floor on crutches??

I tried to remain positive at first. Looked at it as a much needed break from the daily grind. An acceptable excuse to take it easy for a bit. Then I found out I would be sidelined for 2+ months. It only took a few days for the cabin fever and frustration to set in.

And just like that, all my progress and good momentum was halted. My plans derailed. I wasn’t prepared for the new bout of depression that would accompany my situation. It came hard and fast.

My days are now spent sleeping and watching Netflix. Sounds like a dream, but it gets boring and monotonous. And it’s lonely. What’s the point in changing clothes everyday? I don’t do anything or go anywhere. What’s the point in participating in family activities? They move on whether I’m there or not.

I watch the gorgeous weather from the window, unable to partake. Being like this makes me realize how much I’m not needed. My existence no longer seems to have a purpose. And I’m not sure how much I’m even missed- aside from making other people’s lives easier by doing tasks such as chauffeuring kids through their busy lives. I feel like nothing.

And I was doing so well. Fuck.

I keep telling myself that I will accomplish something tomorrow. Place some phone calls I’ve been putting off, pull out a craft, or research something on the internet. But that “Next Episode” button is too easy to press and it compliments my complete lack of energy perfectly.

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow….

 


Ever have a break in your routine that completely got you off-course? How did you fight it?

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